Life lately…

It’s been a few months, but it feels like years. Half of the year has gone by and I’ve only written once. I guess to you I’ve been doing what I want.

Am I doing what I want?

I greet you all, and welcome you to my blog. I know it’s getting tedious that I have to welcome you every time because of the long intervals between the posts. Though any well mannered person knows that you greet when entering a room before proceeding to go about your business.

So hello beloveds, I hope that the first half of the year has treated you fairly. That you’ve achieved most of what you had anticipated to, and if not that you’re well on your way to. Then again, even if you haven’t and all you’ve been doing is surviving, being gentle and kind with yourself. Know that, that in itself is an achievement, because sometimes it takes a lot to survive.

As for me? Man I don’t even know what’s going on. You could say that I’ve been winging it. The last two years have honestly been coming at me fast, I know I say this a lot about most years, but honestly hey.

There’s been plenty of changes that have had me tie my neatly twisted long dreads into a bun, and roll up my sleeves. That sounds a lot like adulthood right? Nothing new. Though there is a sepedi proverb that my late gran liked to say, which goes along the lines of , “gola o tla di bona” loosely translated meaning “grow up and you shall see” and oh am I seeing.

Those who’ve been journeying with me, are probably thinking when am I not seeing? In my defence, perhaps adulthood is an accumulation of small vlogs that end up making a series of your life. That seems like the only plausible way to explain what’s going on.

I’m also hoping someone will jump up and scream, “cut the camera’s!” and we’ll get back to regular programming, though the problem is this is my life.

The last time I left you, I had said I’m learning to heal by example. To not only speak of my healing, but embody it. Needless to say, it’s easier said than done but like I said I’m still here and I’m still trying.

Healing is a lifelong journey after all, it’s a series of the many recent times in my adult and motherhood that I’ve thought I could not move on from things, that I could never recover or ever be the same.

Ah yes, remember I had said I’d eventually say as to why I’ve been MIA? Well that is part and parcel the reason why, motherhood. I also experienced an immediate death, the loss of my beloved grandmother. If you know me, then you know how much I loved my grandmother. I also experienced unfathomable betrayals from a partner, friends, loved ones, and, and, an…

And with that, I’m not the same. I’m not the same woman who wrote five months ago. If you thought you knew me then, you’re not alone. I too have had to relearn myself. I suppose you can also say that life is a series of mini deaths and, thankfully rebirths.

So life lately has been a lot of learning and unlearning, of grieving the person that was and making room for the new. Treating the journey with kindness, knowing that I’ve never been this person, a mother amongst many things, before and I’m doing the best I can with the hand that I’ve been dealt.

To say it has not been easy is an understatement. Though life lately has taught me to extend myself the same grace that He extends me, and that has been my savior.

It’s allowed me to treat life as I do my little bundle of peace and happiness. Marvelling at the growth, and how far we’ve come yet remembering to savour every moment without rushing to get to a specific time.

With that being said, how’s life been lately for you? However it’s been, I wish you always…

Love, and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Instauration

This one is for me.

I write a lot in these pieces about being true to yourself and living your truth. I suppose you could say that, that is the overall theme of this blog. To be and live your truth.

Those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog are probably raising an eyebrow to this. Yes, I know I did say that this blog is a medium of therapy, and it is. It always will be.

Before we get into all of that. For those that are new here, welcome and I hope you’ll continue to journey with us. If not, thank you for stopping by. Now as I was saying…

Therapy by definition is the treatment of something to heal a particular problem and/or help develop better skills to cope with various life challenges and improve lives. There are various ways to work through those said problems, like talking or physical acts such as writing, which I use.

It is through this blog that I have been able to learn strategies to healing. To find ways to define my own healing practice, which I do through using this blog as a medium of therapy.

Writing and addressing different topics, is in essence my attempt to cope with various life challenges, and to achieve the desired outcome of being and living my truth. By telling my experiences as I know them, my journey as I voyage through it and my lessons as I carry them.

By sharing my heart and journey, I know I could either help you along your journey, or you could learn a thing or two from mine.

Though please don’t be misguided, the thoughts shared in my blog are not meant to replace or substitute the help of a mental health professional (which I also seeked myself).

My writing just serves as the connective tissue between our lives, to say that someone out there gets it and understands and hopefully that someone is me. Now back to what I was saying, you’re probably wondering where all this is going anyway?

It is one thing to strive to live and be your truth. Though if your sense of self and worth is compromised, it affects everything you do.

How are you going to win if you aren’t right within?

I’ve come to realise that despite how much effort you put into living and being your truth. If you do not believe that who you are and what you do is good enough, it contaminates everything you do.

If you don’t value yourself and your being, you not only allow yourself to fall short, but internalise the world and people’s projections about who and what you are.

You allow others to determine your worth, and that is when you lose the essence of your being.

You’d think, like self love I wouldn’t have to write pieces to remind ourselves to love and remain true to our worth. Though you’d be surprised just to see how much the world and people can take from us.

I then wrote this piece to remind us that, our worth surpasses all earthly things and no one or situation should drive us to question our sense of self or worth.

That your self worth must be protected at all times, and based upon our own internal knowledge of self and never based upon what others think, do or say.

What I then want you to take from this piece is that, this is our year of renewal, restoration, renovation and repair which are the loosely translated definitions of the title of this piece.

That no matter what is happening in and around the world around us. We will not internalise it as a projection of our being or worth. That we find ourselves subjected to, or being in situations and environments that do not serve us because our sense of worth has been compromised.

May this be the year that we heal and repair the parts of us that were compromised. That we find the roots of why we allow ourselves to be compromised and put in said situations. Where we water, re-nourish and restore the flowers of worth within us.

The one we take back the lack of self belief, and trust. The one which we affirm ourselves. The year that we no longer end up destroying ourselves, living and living up to lives that do not resonate with us.

The one we come home to ourselves, to restore and renew the broken parts. To rebuild our worth and come back stronger, adding tax to it!

I know all that isn’t sunshine and roses, hence I wrote this piece. I wrote this to remind not only myself, but you as my readers as well. That no matter what this world may throw at us, may it never break us to the point that we forget our sense of worth. That may we remain rooted in that too.

And that is all from me ladies and gentlemen. Wishing not only myself, but you as well the strength to renew, restore and repair our worth and belief in our sense of self. And as we do that, I also wish you most…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Halcyon

Do you remember the simpler times in life? Like last year this time? When you believed in and looked forward to certain things, like these warmer days?

With the state of affairs this year it’s been hard to be optimistic about what’s next to come. Every step we take has been taken with a pinch of salt. Though we can be rest assured that after every winter spring is sure to come.

Given the opening paragraphs, there is a sense that this post is about seasons. Well, it is spring down here in the Southern Hemisphere despite that it started out as cold as this year has been.

It is the time of rebirth, renewal and revival. A time of joy and love. Speaking about joy, the title of this piece when loosely translated means; a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful. And which other time best fits that description then spring?

Now, I’m not trying to trigger your nostalgia about warmer and happier days, though that wouldn’t be such a bad thing considering just how this year has been anything but peaceful and happy.

The spring time offers us and the world, a chance to begin again, to start anew, to plant and grow. And that’s the message I’m trying to convey with this piece.

That when we move into this new season of our lives, and we’re given a chance to start again. As we have in South Africa with the further easing of the lockdowns allowing for restricted social activities to take place, what kind of season do you want it to be?

I know we cannot always choose how seasons play out, there is a season for everything. We all want to say a season of love, joy, good fortune, growth and all the above mentioned, but as I said in my post titled: selcouth the world today is different so it’s even harder to look forward to going back to a period of time that was idyllically happy and peaceful.

A lot has happened this year and even though it hasn’t been the worst year that I have experienced, it has been the worst year that I have seen. So I know I speak not only for myself when I say it’s hard to look forward to what’s next to come.

Though like the message I’m trying to reiterate with this piece, it shouldn’t stop us from embracing the new. From acknowledging all that we have been through and accepting nature and the world’s reset button to begin again.

As I said in my post titled: depaysement we could never go back to the world and how we knew it to be, but we can choose how we continue to move forward with it. We have the choice to transform the space that we are left with.

So given the opportunity to begin again, I ask how are you choosing to start again? What kind of flowers are you choosing to grow in your new season?

Those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog know that I tend to use the analogy of your life/ heart being a garden and what you pour into it is what you nourish to grow.

So I’m choosing to grow the continued strength to be more open to change. I speak a lot about change in these pieces, but in all honesty I’m still somewhat reluctant and scared of change. And if there is anything this year has shown us is to be open to and embrace change, because the world and life we’re familiar with can change at any time.

I’m also choosing to grow and cultivate faith, peace with and hope, that what is ahead of us is far better than that which we are leaving behind. With all that’s been happening in and around us, it only makes sense for our faith to wither, so I’m choosing to start afresh with a renewed spirit of faith and hope.

And that’s how I leave you ladies and gentlemen, with these few questions and more. When we embark on this journey into this new season. How are you starting afresh, what are bringing with you and why? Remember my message in bag-lady though, always pack light!

Looking forward to hearing what you’re bringing along nonetheless. While I wait, I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Selcouth

Well would you look at that, we’re already half way into the year? Shucks, I know right? Where did all the time go?

It feels like just yesterday that we were optimistic and making plans for the new year and now it’s almost over.

I think we can all attest to what a ride of a year this has been. With all that’s been happening in and around us, we could only hope that it would get better from here on going forward, but this year keeps hitting us with one plot twist after another. If you could name the movie we’re in, what would you call it and what genre would it be?

On a serious note though. As we were gradually starting to get back to life as we knew it, with the easing of the strict stay-at-home measures of the lockdowns due to the COVID-19 pandemic. We were confronted by the #blacklivesmatter movement in the US that has the rest of the world on its feet in solidarity against racism. And if that’s not enough we still face the plight of gender based violence that seems to be on the rise since the lockdowns.

If anything, all that’s been happening in and around us is advocating what I have been saying since the pandemic started, that this is a significant period for change.

A time to not only change ourselves but the way we do things. On a personal level and in the world as a whole. The world as it stands is different. It is unfamiliar, strange and yet marvelous, which is the loosely translated definition of the title of this piece. I believe we can all attest that this isn’t how we had imagined the world to be, and subsequently it has lead us to change.

Change however isn’t easy to come by. It takes place in many forms. Some changes happen naturally, others seem forced upon us and change which we have to take upon ourselves. And even though a constant in our lives, change also happens over time.

Since the pandemic has started I’ve been focusing a lot on the change of self. Not to say I was oblivious to that which was happening in and around us. I’m just a firm believer that, cliche as it sounds, change starts with you.

For the world to reflect what we believe it should be, we should be the very people to first implement and enforce that change. You cannot always control what happens in the world around us, but we can choose how we respond to it.

Some changes, as I mentioned are hard to come by. Changes like systemic changes i.e racism and patriarchy take years to dismantle. The world even long before has been fighting against this and still till this very day we continue to fight, and neither does it mean we should give up the baton. It is through persistence and perseverance throughout all the years that the world today is going through monumental changes.

By voicing and acting out against the injustice of this behaviour we are changing the narrative of society. Too many a time social injustices continue to take place because we are silent and by being silent we enable perpetrators. So to speak up is to change the dialogue and to say; not only is it not okay but that we are aware and we will not succumb.

That we as women will not be subjected to that fear, that pain, that anger and that sadness at the hands of men. And this goes for all other injustices too; homophobia and ethnic discrimination to name but a few. Though racism and gender based violence remain at the forefront of them all.

This post is centered on the changing of our societies and the world around us. Though as always with most of my messages, I always revert back to self.

In this piece I ask; with all that has been happening, as we witness the world move towards a certain place, a place of change. Where behaviours, values and ways of life are changing and the world readjusts to it’s new norm.

I then pose the question to you that; as the world moves into its new position, where are you going? I know it would be easier to just say, to hop into a plane to Mars because the world is currently a lot to deal with but you know what I mean.

Where to from here?

This year took a very different turn of events and is nothing compared to how we had planned it out to be. Lost plans, goals and aspirations has lead us to move into different directions, leading us to unlikely come out of this the same.

So I ask, when we come out of this where are you going? I hope that wherever it is, it brings you out new. With that being said, I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle