Life lately…

It’s been a few months, but it feels like years. Half of the year has gone by and I’ve only written once. I guess to you I’ve been doing what I want.

Am I doing what I want?

I greet you all, and welcome you to my blog. I know it’s getting tedious that I have to welcome you every time because of the long intervals between the posts. Though any well mannered person knows that you greet when entering a room before proceeding to go about your business.

So hello beloveds, I hope that the first half of the year has treated you fairly. That you’ve achieved most of what you had anticipated to, and if not that you’re well on your way to. Then again, even if you haven’t and all you’ve been doing is surviving, being gentle and kind with yourself. Know that, that in itself is an achievement, because sometimes it takes a lot to survive.

As for me? Man I don’t even know what’s going on. You could say that I’ve been winging it. The last two years have honestly been coming at me fast, I know I say this a lot about most years, but honestly hey.

There’s been plenty of changes that have had me tie my neatly twisted long dreads into a bun, and roll up my sleeves. That sounds a lot like adulthood right? Nothing new. Though there is a sepedi proverb that my late gran liked to say, which goes along the lines of , “gola o tla di bona” loosely translated meaning “grow up and you shall see” and oh am I seeing.

Those who’ve been journeying with me, are probably thinking when am I not seeing? In my defence, perhaps adulthood is an accumulation of small vlogs that end up making a series of your life. That seems like the only plausible way to explain what’s going on.

I’m also hoping someone will jump up and scream, “cut the camera’s!” and we’ll get back to regular programming, though the problem is this is my life.

The last time I left you, I had said I’m learning to heal by example. To not only speak of my healing, but embody it. Needless to say, it’s easier said than done but like I said I’m still here and I’m still trying.

Healing is a lifelong journey after all, it’s a series of the many recent times in my adult and motherhood that I’ve thought I could not move on from things, that I could never recover or ever be the same.

Ah yes, remember I had said I’d eventually say as to why I’ve been MIA? Well that is part and parcel the reason why, motherhood. I also experienced an immediate death, the loss of my beloved grandmother. If you know me, then you know how much I loved my grandmother. I also experienced unfathomable betrayals from a partner, friends, loved ones, and, and, an…

And with that, I’m not the same. I’m not the same woman who wrote five months ago. If you thought you knew me then, you’re not alone. I too have had to relearn myself. I suppose you can also say that life is a series of mini deaths and, thankfully rebirths.

So life lately has been a lot of learning and unlearning, of grieving the person that was and making room for the new. Treating the journey with kindness, knowing that I’ve never been this person, a mother amongst many things, before and I’m doing the best I can with the hand that I’ve been dealt.

To say it has not been easy is an understatement. Though life lately has taught me to extend myself the same grace that He extends me, and that has been my savior.

It’s allowed me to treat life as I do my little bundle of peace and happiness. Marvelling at the growth, and how far we’ve come yet remembering to savour every moment without rushing to get to a specific time.

With that being said, how’s life been lately for you? However it’s been, I wish you always…

Love, and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Cherish the day.

If there’s anything I think that we can all attest to is that 2020 has been an emotionally taxing year.

With all that’s been happening in and around us, this year has really taken a lot from us. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially you name it.

This rollercoaster of a year has been moving us from highs to extreme lows. With the illusion of the ride seemingly going to get steady only for it to let you down at the last minute having you to question when will we catch a break?

Speaking about rollercoasters, how often do you find yourself going through a corona coaster? Yep, you read right. The ups and downs of the pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing workouts and baking. The next you’re crying, drinking wine for breakfast, and missing people you don’t even like.

As funny as it all sounds, this has actually become the reality of our lives. This pandemic has had us living, as I stated in my post titled: selcouth in unfamiliar times. And these unfamiliar times are frightening and have us uncertain.

The state of affairs in and around our lives have shown that throughout the many losses that we’re experiencing during this pandemic. Such as; the loss of freedom, economic stability and lost plans etc. The biggest loss we’ve come to experience is certainty for the future.

This pandemic has shown us that tomorrow is not promised and things don’t always go according to our plans. That the life and world we’re familiar with can change over night.

It has awakened us to the reality of how untimely death is and the fragility of life. That people, our nearest and dearest can be here today and gone tomorrow.

Given the context of the above paragraphs it seems as though this post is centered on loss, the loss of loved ones to be precise. To a great extent it is, though this post is more about cherishing life while we still have it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I truly sympathise with those having lost their lives or those of loved ones due to the virus or any other reason in these trying times. This post is to then remind you that we’re all in some way or another affected and we have each other in the midst of this. And more than anything, cliche as it is, to give one another the flowers while we can still smell them.

It’s disheartening that it takes events such as the pandemic and death to remind us to treasure each sunset and be grateful for every sunrise. That at most all we have is the now and we should embrace that with both hands.

I know my last few posts have not been the chirpiest, but if anything they’ve shown that we need to understand that life is war and only then will we cherish the lives we have.

Again don’t me wrong, I don’t mean go into life thinking that the world and life is out to get you, that’s not what I mean. What I do mean is that you have to fight for your life. To truly live your truth and experience life for everything it is. To love and be loved, care, comfort, embrace, be strong and brave.

Be in the present as, as I mentioned above the biggest uncertainty right now is that of the future. So be in the now, let life move through you instead of you moving through life. When you let life move through you, you move to the speed of your destiny and cherish each day instead of speeding through life just to say you lived a full a life.

And you might ask that in this time what am I doing to truly live each day of my life? What I want you to know is that there is no one-size-fits-all solution for living a full life, so what constitutes fullness for me doesn’t necessarily mean it will be for you.

Though more than anything you know that these posts allow me to leave a footprint of my life. To share my heart and my voice. This is just one of the many ways that allow me to truly live. To share a little more love, give virtual hugs, comfort, encouragement, and light.

With that being said, I ask you in these trying times what are some of the things that you are doing to truly live and cherish each day? As I wait to hear what those are, I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

With peace and healing too, for all those who have lost loved ones.

Maz_Dizzle

Eleutheromania

South Africa is currently in it’s second week of it’s national shutdown due to the COVID-19 coronavirus and I must say these have been some interesting times.

Most of us can attest that living in an era of a world pandemic such as coronavirus is one of the most surreal life experiences we’ve ever been through to date. Well I know for me it’s up there.

I mean sure, we live with the reality of the AIDS pandemic here in South Africa. And there have been other pandemics that have swept through the world such as cholera and swine flu, but never have we experienced a pandemic that has put us on a standstill.

Before I get into that…please don’t get me wrong and think that I’m saying that the pandemics I make reference to are of no significance compared to the coronavirus. All the above mentioned pandemics carry weight of their own and no pandemic is of a greater magnitude than the other. I mean after all it’s a world pandemic, we are all somehow affected.

Given that the coronavirus requires us to social distance; if you haven’t been exposed to the virus (hence the lockdown) or quarantine if you have been exposed to the virus but don’t have symptoms. We have been required to stay home meaning that most people have been focused on the implications that the social distancing has on business and industry forgetting the human cost of the virus and that’s what I want to address in this piece.

I know one or two are thinking, “there she goes again talking about feelings.” Lest we forget that this blog is and always will be a medium of therapy so I’ll always talk about feelings. And besides above all else I worry and will always put first ones wellbeing before anything else. Because I know how it is and what it feels like to not prioritize yourself. Now as I was saying…

Numerous people have died and are still dying worldwide due to the pandemic and to want to vocalize any other feeling of discomfort at this time is seemingly selfish to say the least. It’s as though you’re trying to make things about you. Though we can’t overlook how the lockdown has intensified our desire for freedom which is the loosely translated definition of the title of this piece. The definition is an intense and irresistible desire for freedom and we can all attest to feeling this way having been confined to our homes.

The first few paragraphs make it seem as though I’m going to make reference to those losing their lives to the virus and how anything else is of no significance right now. That is entirely true but there is no hierarchy to loss. Holding another’s suffering as greater than our own prevents us from honouring our own emotions as valid.

I truly empathize with those infected and affected by the virus, like I said it’s a world pandemic and we’re all in some way or another affected by it. Hence I can make reference to how it’s affected us through our loss of freedom, as menial as it seems.

The context of this piece will have one thinking that I have been frustrated to say the least about the inability to move as I wish. Furthest from that actually. If anything not having to wake up early for work etc has afforded me the opportunity to rest, not only my body but my mind. So this piece isn’t necessarily about my intense desire for freedom, but rather about something that I’ve noticed in others. It’s also about what this virus has taught hopefully not only myself but you as well.

That above all the other hard lessons this virus has made us come across like; how untimely death is. It has also made us realise the things we take for granted. Like time to spend doing that which we love with who we love and the freedom to do so whenever, hence the title of this piece.

I came to the realisation that more than anything people have been frustrated by their inability to move around during this lockdown which has subsequently also made them realise all that they’ve taken for granted when they had the time and freedom to do so.

And that’s the question I leave with you ladies and gentlemen. In this lockdown period what has the lack of freedom made you realise?

As I’m off to create familiarity in unfamiliar circumstances, I can’t wait to hear what you have to say. I wish you all…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle