Balter

It’s fast approaching that time of the year again… my day of birth. My nearest and dearest and those who know me know that I love birthdays.

I love helium balloons and getting cake, and no I’m not past the age of getting either of that, you are never too old for such anyway. And I’ve never been one to worry too much about age. You’re only as young as you feel. I love gifting and getting gifts but more than anything I LOVE to dance.

“Darling don’t ever be too shy to dance your heart out.”

I was asked the other day if I wasn’t over the idea of going out to dance on my birthday. You already know that I firmly said no. I may be slowly getting past the dancing till the wee hours while wasted years (even though those make for the best stories) but I’m not past dancing and probably never will be.

I know there’s a friend or two that’s secretly rejoicing and relieved that they don’t have to go dance their lives away with me thinking, “oh now you will be”, given the COVID-19 pandemic we’re facing and that my birthday falls under the national shutdown in South Africa.

“And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance.”

See I love to dance and I don’t need an occasion to dance. Dancing is a way for me to express emotion, particularly elation but to also release whatever other emotion I’m feeling. Dancing I believe is the hidden language of the soul.

I’m the type to dance anywhere to almost anything. You’re probably thinking I’m the “make the circle bigger” type, I was. Hey! Let he without sin be the first to judge. And even more I’m the ultimate hype master to get anyone else to dance. Either way what I’m saying is that a little confinement is not going to stop me from dancing.

I know some think I’m part of the folk with the two left feet. The type that dances artlessly, without particular grace or skill but usually with enjoyment as the definition of this piece states. Even so, I’m going to keep dancing anyway and you should too. I mean your life is a party and you should dance like it. Though in my defense I can dance to save my life and I did say I’m a woman of many talents, yes singing included. Don’t make me unleash my inner Beyonce.

“No matter what people think of you always keep singing your own song.”

I know for most parts this post seems to be centered around dancing; moving rhythmically to music typically following a set sequence of steps and even though this is so this post is rather about following the beat of your own drum. Cliche as it is.

I’ve reiterated in quite a number of posts, if it isn’t the overall message of this year and my blog as a whole that one should live their truth. And this goes in line with the message of this piece. That dance to the sequence of steps that you’ve created not those that were designed and laid out for you by someone else.

And that’s it ladies and gentlemen, that’s the blog post. Too many a time we follow the steps of others because we want to make them happy or proud of us that we rob ourselves the delight of the movement of dance itself. When the purpose of dancing is to enjoy each step along the way.

Live life according to your own steps and figure out the sequence as you go along. In other words live life on your own terms and your own background music. Sometimes you’re the only one who can hear the music and that too is okay. No one knows the intricacies of your life so don’t let them be the Dj to the soundtrack of your life.

Your life is a party and whoever you let into your life is entering a party that you’ve already started on your own. In that way if a person decides to leave, the party and the dancing continues either way.

Hence I urge you to enjoy and embrace the choice to move as you wish and even more so the freedom to do so. I know more often than not most people love to dance. I mean life’s too short not to dance anyway. The question however is, what does dancing mean to you? When you describe your dance of life how would you explain it?

As I leave you to go celebrate growing a year older by dancing my life away. I wish you a lively dance of life filled with love, light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Meraki

I’ve been finding it a lot harder to write lately. The drive to write is always there but I’ve been struggling to pin the words down.

You’re initial inclination to think that I had writers block wouldn’t be too far off but that wasn’t it. Those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog know that I tend to experience this feeling more often than not, the consuming drive to want to write but the inability to follow through with the act.

You’d think that given that my blog has just celebrated two years I’d be eager to write and post. I was, to some extent I still am but I’ve been struggling to bring myself to do it.

I usually experience this feeling when I’m overwhelmed with some sort of emotion and those emotions demand to be felt. You’re probably wondering what debilitating emotion could I be going through that could make writing so hard?

I believe that almost all writers will attest to the fact that there is nothing as demoralising as the lack of motivation. To not be motivated means to not be inspired and ultimately you become creatively bankrupt and you feel that the only way out is to quit. That’s how I’ve been feeling of late.

It’s easy to feel disheartened when the response you anticipate from something is not the one you receive. It is hard not to internalise it as a reflection of yourself or your worth. To not have it weigh heavy on your soul and stop you from continuing to press forward. Considering you put your soul, creativity and love into something; the essence of yourself that is put into your work which is the loosely translated definition of this piece.

Given the context of this piece it’s only fitting to think that I’d have some tips up my sleeve on how I managed to combat this demotivation, but I unfortunately don’t. And as much as I’ve been sad, hey you can’t always thug it out, I’ve also had to be honest with myself. The previous year really taught me to be honest with myself hence why this year has been very personal. It taught me that you don’t have to seem perfect, perfection is a poisonous illusion and softness is one of our greatest super powers.

So its okay to feel disheartened, demotivated and sad that the soul, creativity, love and essence of yourself that has been put into your work and life isn’t bearing the fruits you’d hoped for.

As the opening quote in this piece states, “even when there is no hope, even when nothing you do shows any signs of promise” and this goes for everything and everyone, “you keep going anyway.” I know it’s not easy to keep going in times of adversity. Take me for instance, wanting to give up on my writing. I believe that’s when we need not only to push ourselves a little harder but to also be surrounded by people who remind us of who we are and what we’ve overcome. As I try be that person for you through my writing.

To a large extent I know this piece seems to be centered on my writing and ones work but this goes for everything and everyone. We are not always only demotivated to keep pressing forward with work but others are fighting battles of staying alive, keeping the faith and trusting in life. And hence I say whatever it is that is important to you keep pursuing it.

May your motivation be the realisation of the strength attained from all which you’ve survived and the victories from the silent battles that are ongoing and those already won coming to mind. And I remind not only you but myself as well. Please feel free to share with me how you overcome demotivation and what keeps you going.

As I then wish you continued strength, resilience and will. I wish you most…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Lueur ✨

When rereading some of my previous posts, I came to the realisation that there is a recurring theme in most of them.

The idea that one should live their truth/be their authentic selves etc. I know it only makes sense that, that message would be reiterated throughout the blog because the intention of this blog is to relate my story that hopefully has some correlation to the next person; all the other women/men out there that want to live free from judgement and have some fun.

So it only makes sense that I would strive to share my truth. My experiences as I know them, my journey as I voyage through it and my lessons as I carry them.

I had a few encounters in the last few weeks that inspired me to write this piece. I found that people box you in, make certain assumptions and when your reality doesn’t match their perception/expectation they treat you in a certain way.

Now, I have already felt the frustration, anger or aggression directed inward, toward oneself and ones way of living. I think we can all attest to somewhat having felt this way one time or another in our lives, sometimes even more often than not. So I’m past internalizing society’s messages about how I am supposed to be.

For most parts this post seems like a reinforcement of living your truth/ being true to yourself. Even though that’s a message I will continue to reinforce, the message of this piece is to glow in whatever season you may find yourself in. To be aware of what season you are in and give yourself the grace to be there. To glow is actually the definition of the title of this piece.

At first inclination when one hears the word glow they think of radiance and light and therefore anything associated with it would be exuding of those very traits, oneself included. The idea that one has gone through an incredible transformation that has left them radiating.

Given the context of the post you can tell that the encounters that I had were not so pleasant because they wouldn’t have inspired me to write this piece. Don’t get me wrong, one draws inspiration from any and everywhere, good or bad but as I said in my previous post shanti it’s far easier to write hard and clear about what hurts.

Though this post isn’t a dampener, you had probably thrown in the towel trying to make sense of what all this is about. What this post is about is that you shouldn’t omit pieces of your truth to make other people comfortable. What other people think of you is their choice and what you think of yourself is your choice.

You can’t internalize people’s perceptions/ expectations about your life. Like I said above, you already have to deal with your own frustrations etc directed inward towards oneself and ones way of living so you can’t carry the brunt of the next person too. And take it from me I’ve done that for a very, very long time. Don’t do yourself that injustice.

So if you’re like myself what I want you take from this piece is that wherever you may find yourself in life, glow. Radiate that light, no matter what the next person may think, bask in where you are. Stop waiting to turn into some perfect version of yourself and consciously enjoy being who you are in the present.

Regardless of what your financial, relationship , social etc status is bask in who and what you are. Those things do not define you nor do they validate you. And that’s my message to you ladies and gentlemen. No matter where you might find yourself in life, glow in your truth and don’t dim your light for whoever it may be shinning too bright in their eyes. Let your soul glow. We all possess a light within us and when we stir it, it glows. So let it glow.

With that being said, as I leave you to continue glowing. I wish not only continued radiance of light in your life, but lots of love and luck too.

Maz_Dizzle

Shanti

There’s a saying by Ernest Hemingway that says, “write hard and clear about what hurts.”

Those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog know that when I initially started the blog the intention was to use this writing as a medium of therapy. It still is, but before I get into that, let me welcome those that are new here and say I hope you’ll continue this journey with us. Now to get back to what I was saying.

When one hears the word therapy, the initial inclination is to think of the need to heal and relieve. So it’s only fitting that you would think I went through some great deal of hurt that I’ve since been working through. Even though that thought wouldn’t be too far off, like any other thing in life there are dualities, where this pain there is also healing. So this blog hasn’t just been a tear fest. The opening line might have had you thinking you were in for yet another one but it’s quite the contrary actually.

This blog has always been about me chronicling through life and relating my story that hopefully has some correlation to the next person, that could either help them along their journey and if not they could learn a thing or two or take something from mine. The blog has always been about me finding people to walk through this life with and share my heart.

So why this piece? The other day I found myself mentally consumed with the drive to want to write my next blog post but too overwhelmed to do so. I wanted to be in a certain emotional space to write and when I wasn’t I became frustrated.

I felt I needed to be melancholic even when I wasn’t. I believed I wrote harder, clearer and better about things that hurt, and even though that could somewhat be true I still wasn’t in that head space. I suppose now you can see how the opening quote comes into play here.

It then dawned on me that we tend to find comfort in things that we are familiar with that we don’t know how to exist outside of them, and that’s how I happened to feel with my pain. I had learnt to not only familiarise myself with it; but to share living space, acknowledge it’s presence and even embrace it.

So not being in that space and rather being in a state of mental, physical and spiritual bliss that leads to serenity and calmness, which is the definition of the title of this piece was uncomfortable for me.

Parts of me wanted the sadness. I had to tell the voices in my head to believe that I was indeed in a state of calmness and peace. That it was okay to be okay. Those who know the struggle of healing through things know it’s not easy to believe you’ve overcome what you once thought you could never get over. My friend Sam makes reference to this in his guest post kintsugi, that we “hide our battle scars because we choose to remember the battle in a mournful way rather than changing the perspective and realizing that we overcame and still stand.”

It’s easier to relate to pain than it is to relate to healing. Our brains are wired for connection (that which is good) but trauma rewires them for protection hence you protect yourself from further pain by not embracing the calmness and peace in anticipation of more hurt.

I then took from this situation that we don’t need to perform our pain in order for it to be real. You don’t need to be defined by your pain. And for a very long time I was. Being in a state of calmness and peace does not invalidate the pain we went through.

Instead it’s acknowledging that it happened, letting it go and moving beyond it. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there won’t be instances and things to heal from going forward, life isn’t linear after all but to be in a state of happiness and having inner peace is something to be embraced not to feel guilty for.

What I want you to take from this piece, especially those who like myself have trouble accepting the happiness and inner peace. That bask in the feeling, even if it’s short-lived, even if you going through waves of happiness and sadness while healing. To be in that state means that the work you’re putting in, in your healing is working and that’s really what matters at the end of the day. As my friend further states in his piece that you, “find positive ways to heal in order to become whole again.”

So as leave you to embrace and enjoy this moment as I am, I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Kintsugi

The beginning of the year is the time we start to look back and reflect on the year we’ve had.

The time we look back at what we had intended to achieve and change and how much of that we’ve actually managed to accomplish.

I know we’re already well within the year but to some people the new year has just begun, January was just a trial month. So to those I say “happy New Years loves.” To the rest of you folks, you can obviously tell I’m part of team trial run, I hope it’s been treating you well and things are going accordingly.

You’re doing that which you had intended to, achieving all that you had set out to and making those necessary changes for your betterment. Remember this is your year of manifestation, well if you didn’t know now you know. And if you need a reminder head out to my post orenda for that jump start.

Anyway you’re probably wondering where all this is going. Upon reflecting on the past year and our experiences of it, my friend Sam had this to share about his year and his journey coming into the new year. Here’s his story…

2019 was personally not a good year for me. During the course of the year I went through a lot of trials and tribulations that shook me from my ground.

After months of squabbling with my manager, I decided to resign from my previous employment because I was so unhappy that the work environment affected my health and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Three significant friendships ended around the same time due to the turmoil of a tempest rising inside me. I was struggling financially and the tempest brewing gave birth to depression and anxiety attacks. My life was upside down and the world broke me down to pieces.

Some days it felt like the only way out was to quit my life in the city and go back home and on darks days committing suicide felt like it would be the anaesthetics that would numb my pain forever but within the storm there was a light piercing through, a beacon to a wondering bark to keep on trying and keep on pushing. And in that moment I stood up and started all over again.

This broken soul had not lost its foundation and I could build from the ground up again, so I picked up the pieces and started putting them back together again.

Kintsugi or Kintsukuroi is a Japanese art of fixing broken pottery, rather than to assemble the ceramic pieces with camouflaged adhesives, the kintsugi technique employs a special tree sap lacquer dusted with powdered gold, silver or platinum. If you’ve broken many vases like myself you should know that it is not an easy thing to do and same applies for self-healing.

You have to find the balancing or biggest piece and attach the remaining to it. Sometimes it requires you to assemble different pieces separately before you can put them together. Finding the pieces starts with asking what went wrong and building from there to see how you got to the fall.

The lacquer dusted with powdered gold are the lessons learned and affirmations that make you stronger but that also build the bridge between your ‘naivety’ and experience. This is the stage where you acknowledge your mistakes and find positive ways to heal in order to become whole again. Once completed the beautiful gold glint in the conspicuous cracks of ceramic wares giving a one of a kind appearance to each repaired piece.

We tend to avoid talking about our past mistakes, failures in relationships and achieving goals because we are ashamed and feel judged. We hide our battle scars because we choose to remember the battle in a mournful way rather than changing the perspective and realising that we overcame it and still stand. The aim of Kintsugi is to emphasise the fractures and breaks instead of hiding or disguising them.

The repaired piece becomes more valuable and more beautiful compared to the original piece, giving it a new look or a second life. I went through hell in 2019 but when the new year came I did not decide to leave the memory in 2019 but enter 2020 with it as a reminder of my strength and resilience to rise again.

If we can take anything from Sam’s story is that no matter what the world throws at us we should always choose to rise above. To keep choosing life and let life choose us back in return. To know that in order to heal, move forward and be able to share our stories we need to first allow ourselves to feel.

When you reflect on the year you had, what did you take from that previous year into this new one? Please share with me your experiences and your thoughts on Sam’s story.

While I eagerly wait to hear all that you have to share, in the time being I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Orenda

I don’t have a life plan.

Okay I once kind of used to have my life together. I knew what I wanted. Where I wanted to go; what I wanted to do, how I wanted to live and who I wanted to be.

And then I grew up.

Ah ha! You judgmental Judy’s (I’m sorry to anyone named Judy) can now roll your eyes away. You most probably thought I was just aimlessly going through life.

I believe most of us can attest to somewhat feeling this way, one time or another in our lives, sometimes even more often than not. The idea that everyone else seems to be getting along just fine knowing exactly what they need to do while you try figure things out.

I’m well aware that nobody has this life thing figured out, but we can’t help but feel as though some people do. To not question your existence when you feel as though everyone is moving in different directions towards their purpose.

I’m not going to dwell too much into this feeling of displacement because I already make reference to it in the post tited: Ikgai and besides this post isn’t even about that anyway.

This post is rather about what I came to discover through these feelings of displacement and frustration toward oneself and ones way of living.

“When you don’t believe that who you are and what you do is good enough it will contaminate everything you do.”

I came to the realisation that a lot of our self doubt stems from not trusting in ourselves. I know it’s not rocket science but you’d be surprised at the number of people (myself included) who don’t trust in themselves and it infiltrates everything they do. And that’s how we got here ladies and gentlemen.

Not trusting in myself meant not only do I not believe in myself; in who and what I’m about but also in my abilities to manifest hence the feelings of displacement or feeling as though you’re just going through life.

Speaking of this lack of self belief affecting everything one does the title of this piece means; a mystical force present in all people that empowers them to affect the world, or to effect change in their own lives.

So when you don’t trust in yourself you don’t believe in your ability to create change. Not only in the lives of others but in your own life more especially.

I’ve since written this piece because I’ve learnt that you can’t win in life if you’re losing in your mind. In order to effect change not only in your own life and the lives of others (which I intend to do with this blog), you need to trust and believe first and foremost that you can. In order to give the best of yourself the channel in which it is coming from (you) needs to be in the right place.

As the bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but it’s own wings that’s how we should model our lives. We should trust in our own abilities instead of external forces that instill fear within us. Believing in yourself has to begin all over again everyday as though nothing had been done the day before.

I believe most people like myself can attest to not pursuing or going through with things because we didn’t trust and believe in our abilities. When you felt you weren’t good enough or worthy to attain certain things or be in said situations. When you allowed yourself to fall short. Whether it be in jobs, relationships, opportunities etc

If not you then who?

It’s then that I urge you my fellow dear readers that this be the year that you trust in yourself in everything that you do. Make this year about you. As you can tell from my previous post this year is very personal, it’s about self.

Let this be the year that you, as our South African Miss Universe said, “take up space”. The year that you not only enter rooms you thought the doors would not open but you dominate those said rooms. The year that you manifest all your hopes, dreams, aspirations and make them come to fruition.

The year that we unleash the mystical forces within us and not only will we trust in ourselves this year alone but from here on going forward, for decades to come. Let this be the year that sets the tone of plenty.

With that being said, as you embark on this year of self I hope that no matter what this year throws at you, may you always be surrounded by…

Love and light and lots of luck

Maz_Dizzle.

You can read the post Ikgai here. Happy reading!

Me before you.

And we’re here. Our first post for the new year and decade! Can you believe it? I most certainly can’t but I’m excited nonetheless.

Many lessons were learnt in the last year and decade and even though it would be nice of me to share all those things in this one post. I’m going to share a lesson at a time and hopefully in due time I would’ve imparted all that I’ve learnt.

Please don’t get me wrong, these are my lessons as I carry them, my experiences as I know them and my journey as I voyage through it. So you can’t expect anything more of me as you would of yourself than to impart MY wisdom.

Given the title of the piece it’s evident what lesson I’m imparting today. Yes ladies and gentlemen it’s about choosing yourselves. That’s what we’re taking into this year and decade.

I know many would think it isn’t rocket science to always choose yourself but you’d be surprised at just how many people do not choose themselves.

How many of us have been conditioned to believe that being a good person means putting others first. And even though this is somewhat true we often do this to our detriment. We put the wellbeing of others before our own needs. We then end up feeling depleted from giving so much of ourselves to others that we have nothing left for ourselves.

Those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog know that I tend to use the analogy of your heart being a flower (a rose to be precise). However before I get into the meaning behind all of that, if you are new here I welcome you and hope you’ll continue this journey with me.

As I was saying… in order for your flower to grow and bloom, one needs to nourish and water it till it is alive and full. And with that being said, you can’t water another’s flower when you yourself are half full. You need to nourish in order to flourish.

For one to be a good person to others you need to be a good person to yourself first and many a time people mistake that and choosing yourself as selfishness when it’s really just self care.

Don’t be misguided this piece is still about choosing yourself but rather that choosing yourself is a sign of self care.

Prioritizing yourself is similar to building a solid foundation which a structure can be built. When you focus on yourself you establish a solid foundation in which you can build healthy relationships with others because you are aware where the cracks and work that needs to be done is. In that way you are not only open to building solid relationships but neither are you easily shaken in who or what you know you are about.

Still. Why this piece? Why choosing yourself? In the last year I came to realise how people will always choose themselves, especially men and how being Captain Spare-A-Feeling will at most only get you hurt.

Now now don’t get me wrong, I’m not writing this post from a woman scorned perspective but rather that I believe many like myself can attest to having put others before themselves much to their detriment. At times to the point where your wellbeing and happiness were compromised for the comfort of others.

And people don’t do that. People do what they need to do to be happy and in that regard I can only urge you too to do what you need to do to be happy and that means choosing and putting yourself first.

Even if we come from the same family, province, racial group and even be in a relationship together we will never stand in exactly the same position. We still look at life from different perspectives and that’s why it’s important to think independently using your own background and point of view to make decisions.

To make decisions that will have you living a happy and full life no matter what that life may look like to the next person. When you choose yourself life chooses you back and that’s really what this piece is about.

To continuously choose yourself in all ways, always. I know that this topic is vast in that there are many instances in which one could choose themselves and hence I make an overall reference. To put you before them first. Prioritizing your wellbeing is not being selfish, it’s how it should be, always.

With that being said as we embark on this new year and decade I urge you all to not only choose yourselves and people that choose you, but to trust yourself in those decisions too. To live lives filled with…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle