Almost doesn’t count.

I once wrote a post that I’ve since deleted which was centered around a quote that when loosely translated said, “…because sometimes only a piece of paper will listen to our hearts.”

I know chances are you’re wondering why I deleted the post. Let’s just say you know those vulnerable text messages you send then quickly delete even though the receiver has already seen them? Yup that pretty much sums it up.

I know the first two paragraphs probably have you somewhat confused considering what I said the piece had been centered on and why I since then deleted it. Let me explain.

I recall how someone once told me that they didn’t read my blog posts because they found them too long. Btw I write as much I speak so if you think my blog posts are lengthy you can only imagine the long drawn out conversations you would have with me in person. Anyway back to the topic at hand.

I understand that the world is changing rapidly and we are in an era in which people are always busy but we are also a generation that does not read. So I reckon that if my blog posts are the only thing that some people read I need to make it worthwhile hence I always strive to tackle the crux of the topic which sometimes results in lengthy pieces and to be honest I never feel as though I’ve tackled some topics enough.

However how many times have you held something in for a prolonged period of time because you felt no one would listen or even understand? In my case I then use paper (this blog) to put my thoughts into context. This is where the quote which that piece was centered on comes into play. Sometimes we use external sources like music, painting, dancing, writing etc to convey our feelings because we feel no one would understand or listen to our hearts. I’m all too familiar with how that feels hence I strive to be the person to you, the one that listens to the words unspoken and shows understanding through my writing. We are always so consumed by our own lives that we don’t take time for others and we’d be surprised at how much correlation our stories have to one another if only we took the time to stop and listen or in my case read.

The point that I’m trying to make here is that when I wrote that piece I felt disheartened at the lack of response my blog was receiving, how it almost didn’t count and even considered giving up. A friend of mine and I even had a whole discussion about how people are celebrated for their booty’s and I can’t even get enough appraisals for my brain. Don’t get me wrong I love me some booty, hell I even asked God why He didn’t give me a big ass stripper booty but considering how I can’t even behave with the one I’ve got now I guess God saw fitting that I stay as I am. In all honesty though, as much as I wanted my blog to be of success hence I poured my heart out, it was my friend’s gentle reminder that not everyone will understand or support what I’m about but I cannot let it stop me from living out what I know that I’m about, that lead me to be able to write this piece and somewhat reiterate the previous one. To not allow myself to be subjected to conforming to what the world wants.

And that’s it, that’s the blog post. It’s about not conforming. When I started this blog my intention was to use it as a medium of therapy to share my story which hopefully had some correlation to the next person that could help them along their journey too and if not they could learn and take something from my journey. As much as I’ve wanted this blog to be aesthetically pleasing and you know I love my aesthetics that’s not what my blog is about overall. Feelings, emotions and thoughts cannot always be neatly packed into short sweet words and beautiful images and that’s what I am about. I understand that’s not what the world always wants but you have to do what sits well with your soul.

This goes for everything and everyone. Don’t let the world coax you into believing that you need to be a certain way or do certain things in order to be validated. Don’t trade your honesty for relatability. You’d be surprised to know who is cheering you on to keep on going.

So run your own race at your own pace and know that there is a different script for all our lives. We will all peak and dip, what matters most is not to measure our progress to that of others. Keep doing you, following your own rules and believing in yourself. With that being said, I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck




Dedicated to everyone who wonders if I’m writing about them. I am.

Do you ever get frustrated when something takes long to occur? Naturally I think we all do, when the results that we anticipate take longer to materialise and we feel somewhat stuck in a rut.

When you feel that you have been working on something and it still heeds no results or when you are at your wits end and feel you’ve been going through something for so long that you question when it will all end. More often than not I tend to feel that way about hurt, when it takes me too long to heal.

I know given my last post some of you are probably rolling your eyes thinking what do I even mean? Since I’m the queen of prolonging things. Listen we’ve passed that hurdle and we’re here now. And what we’re here to partially address is how much it hurts when you feel as though you’ve been healing and the people who have hurt you get to carry on without a hinderance. When you feel as though you must carry all this weight and all this hurt while they get to just live. Perhaps we’ve been those people to others too. And we can all attest to how unpleasant that all is.

Given the first few paragraphs I suppose you’re thinking this piece is about hurt and healing through it. To some extent that thought holds true, I mean I wish I had some ten step programme to healing but I unfortunately don’t and this piece isn’t about that either. Despite making reference to hurting and healing which I partially addressed prior, this piece is rather about moving beyond the hurt, being lifted higher than that which is trying to bring you down. Speaking of being lifted higher, that is the loosely translated definition of the title of this piece which means having wings or being lifted up in flight.

At first inclination one would think that when I speak of healing from hurt I’m speaking about hurt from romantic relationships. I’m referring to relationships of all facets. Your parent-child relationship, your relationship as a sibling, a relative, a friend, a colleague etc but let’s be honest, boy do some of these romantic relationships put us through a lot but we aren’t here for that today.

What we’re here for is for me to tell you that no matter how much people hurt you, you shouldn’t do them like they did you. I know naturally we’d want to avenge ourselves when people hurt us but don’t give people a taste of their own medicine they already know what it tastes like. Give them a taste of your own medicine. If they lied, betrayed, changed on you, played with your emotions, made you cry or even broke you let your medicine heal. It may take years for your remedy to work but trust me it does, so instead of sinking to their level and wanting to see the same pain inflicted on others be patient and stay true to yourself. It’s the greatest gift you will ever give yourself, it will push you towards being lifted higher and radiating all that is good and pure. So rather be so at peace that hurting those who have hurt you does nothing for you and be engulfed in your own success and happiness that you forget it ever happened.

Not worrying about whether they get to live scot free and trusting that one time or another in their lives everyone takes the time to speak to themselves. So trust me they know and they are aware, hence I dedicate this piece to those very people. Even if you’ve had to accept apologies you’ve never received, knowing that when you choose to forgive those who’ve hurt you, you take away their power. Or you’ve had to remove yourself from lives you’ve wanted to be in. Because when it comes down to it, the clean hearted always win. So keep doing you boo. Rising above, returning everything with love and kindness.

Being true to yourself and always letting your being be a product of your heart and not your environment, knowing that what others do should not influence or change who you know yourself to be. How other people operate is not about you. Instead let their actions fuel you to grow wings and be lifted higher to take the lessons and gracefully move on. Flying away from all that which is trying to bring you down. Wishing you…

Love and light and lots of luck.


Bag Lady

Dedicated to those who inspired it and will not read it.

For as long as I can remember I have been thee ultimate bag lady, no matter how short a trip is I’m forever tugging some sort of bag along and sometimes trying to stuff almost all my belongings into even thee most tiniest of purses.

As funny as that whole idea seems it took someone making a passing comment for me to come to the realization of the symbolic meaning of this bag thing. Let’s just say it lead me to a path of self discovery and we all know that that isn’t always sunshine and roses. I suppose you already get a gist of where this is going. No? Okay let me get into it.

I always say that writing isn’t always easy to do, sometimes you have to confront parts of yourself and reread your own chapters without feeling like you want to set all your pages on fire. And that’s how I happen to feel with this piece, as light hearted as I’m making it seem it hasn’t been easy to write.

The many bags I like to carry (I carry more than one bag more often than not) are the symbolic representation of the emotional baggage I carry, just as the bag in the picture below. The pink drink is really just for aesthetics, I was on a lunch date but if we were to go deeper into this issue it could also symbolize how we sometimes use food and alcohol to put on top of our emotions but that’s a story for another day. Today’s story is that I came to this realization about the symbolic meaning of my bags when the passing comment was made that I carry so much around with me that I am probably an emotional hoarder. I know right? Gasp. The darn audacity! Oh yes they said what they said. And as much as I wanted to rebuke that claim and attest to my effortless ability to shrug things off I knew they were right. I guess self discovery requires accountability.

It’s getting to the root of your issues which is triggering and intense. It means you having to relive things which isn’t always easy. In this instance I had to learn and accept that as much as I speak of change and moving forward in these pieces I suffer the brunt of carrying things around and letting them follow me instead of forgiving and letting the situation go and in return inflict pain on myself by keeping them going. I give past wrongs and hurts an extended residency and then question my inability to move forward. I mean you can only imagine the brunt of traveling with a lot of baggage, your movement is delayed, you not only crowd other people’s space you make it hard for them to want to even sit close to you to name but a few of the inconveniences of traveling heavy.

And even though I make this light hearted by referring to my emotions metaphorically we can all attest to what a heavy burden it is to carry baggage around because in its truest sense it makes it difficult to move. It not only is emotionally strenuous but physically too, you break your back holding onto things that are not for you to carry. These things get in the way and negatively affect your ability to open yourself up to new people and opportunities because it affects your worldview.

I know that at most baggage stems from the negative experiences in relationships, the pain inflicted on us by others but it is important to acknowledge our roles in situations too so we can move towards healing and not letting the past define us. We all know that you cannot grow if you are bitter. By acknowledging our roles we move toward the healing process where we recognize patterns, the way we learnt to survive may not always be the way we want to continue to live. We need to heal and learn tools to steer ourselves to a more positive future because denial just perpetuates the baggage hence I said self discovery requires accountability.

So it took that passing comment for me to want to change this bag situation. To want to do things differently. Now don’t get me wrong, I still love me some bags and I have quite a collection but like every other situation we must carry one bag at a time and learn to pack light. To declutter and not wear ourselves out with old, worn out and unnecessary things but instead to take what’s necessary while making room for new things. Because at the end of the day what you need to hold onto is you, everything else is just extra baggage, see what I did there?

I then urge those of you who like myself are bag ladies, you’re not necessarily excluded from this fellas because some of you come with quite some luggage too, as we continue to travel on this journey to remember it’s more about what you learn and how well and far you travel. It almost doesn’t count how much you bring to the trip so pack light so you can be lifted higher and not let your baggage distract you from enjoying your journey. Wishing you…

Love and light and lots of luck.



So many hands, so much help and not enough words to express myself. I know right, who would’ve thought that I’d ever be lost for words?

Well there aren’t enough words to express my gratitude to each and every one of you for your invaluable assistance in getting this blog to where it is today but all I can say is thank you for journeying together with me. It is however, with great sadness that I share with you my last post on this blog and on my journey with you…psych! All thanks to your unwavering love and support we’re only just getting started beloveds.

If I could I would single out each and every one of you to thank you for the role that you played in this journey but since nobody wants to be here all day I hope this will suffice for the overwhelming gratitude I feel. I want to thank you for being my people. As a writer you develop a relationship with those who read your posts and even though we don’t engage on a one on one basis it always feels as though you’re having a conversation with people that are interested in what you have to say whether they agree or not and for that I thank you for being my people and journeying together with me.

By the way people journeying together is the loosely translated definition of the title of this piece which means a group of people journeying together. I have the picture of the Beetle above because it symbolizes us all journeying together. I know it’s not ideal for the whole lot of us but it reminds me of the old school Volkswagen caravan, and neither is it remotely close to it but it’s of the same brand and I just happen to think Bubblegum is a beautiful car, yes that’s the name of the Beetle anyway back to the topic at hand.

I want to thank each and every one of you who has been affiliated with the blog, those who are committed readers of it and even those who, when moved would express gratitude for my posts it’s in those words of encouragement that I found some of my greatest inspiration and strength. You may have not saved the world but you did save my world. I recall how I wrote some of my most uplifting pieces in my most painful moments, it was the thought of pulling you through while I myself was breaking that helped me get through. I always say that sharing your heart is already hard enough which makes the writing in itself just as hard too, having to bare your soul and hoping it will be interpreted in the way you intend so I appreciate all those who edged me, first and foremost to start this blog and to keep on writing even though unbeknown to you my heart was giving in. I started this blog with the intention of it being a medium for my therapy and many a time I’ve questioned the purpose and significance of this blog and it is through you that I keep getting those answers.

I’ve grown immeasurably since I started this blog, not only as a writer but as a person and it is through you giving me those wings that I was able to do so. I’m everything I am as a writer because of you.

The intention of this blog is to share my story with you which hopefully has some correlation to yours and in turn could help you along your journey too. Its since then that I have learnt that writing is a social responsibility, writing about my journey as I voyage through it has helped impact peoples lives and not just for entertainment but for broadening their knowledge on some societal issues you know I’m the people’s advocate even though you do not always agree with me. I’m aware I may also not offer any help along your journey but it is through mine that you can learn a thing or two and vice versa hence it’s important to share my story in my most authentic voice and I must admit when I started out this blog I held back a lot out of fear but you helped me open up and own everything that is and has happened to me and for that I thank you.

I always laugh at how I would cringe at the word limit back in varsity for my essay analysis on novels and today I continue to surpass it, I suppose there is no word limit to feelings, well when it comes to me at least. Hey! I can see that “you don’t say” expression on your face. Though those who’ve started this journey with me can be happy to say that the days of those encyclopedia long posts are long since behind us, I guess as you find your voice the writing gets easier. I know some still think these posts are still long but to each his own.

Anyway this tear jerker is about to come to an end, thank you once again. Even though I felt it was I carrying you through, it was ultimately you carrying me through and I cannot thank you enough. We’ve come a long way and still have a long way to go, we still have a lot of learning and unlearning to do, a lot more smiles, laughter and tears to share and lot more packing and unpacking of this bag we’re tugging along on this journey, but until our next pit stop I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.



I‘ve always figured myself to be a restless soul. One who when loosely translated is constantly looking for a meaning, a meaning to things, a meaning for their existence and the meaning of everything.

We look for things that move us and resonate with our core. This could be people, interests, hobbies, possessions, clothes, music, books or even art. The things that deeply inspire us and help us find ourselves and live our truths.

Our constant searching opens us to all sorts of discoveries along our journeys till we find our truths and that’s partially what I want to address in this piece. Being a restless soul I’ve opened myself up a lot along my journey to make room for people in order to find “my people”, I’m a firm believer that we all have a tribe, people who are like you and who have hearts like yours. So being a restless soul and constantly searching I never pass on the opportunity to open myself to yet another person because they could be my people. Don’t get me wrong I already have and know my people but I also believe that there is always room for one more and besides I don’t like people feeling alone, I want them to know that there is someone out there who gets it, who understands and that person could be me.

I know the introverts are probably raising their eyebrows thinking to themselves that, that’s a bit risky considering how allowing just anyone in can open you up to all sorts of things. Well I’m actually a paradox, I’m a very open person but I don’t just allow anyone in, in the same breath that I’m quite friendly but not everyone is my friend and that’s where people get it twisted. I suppose you’ve been wondering what this is all about. Four paragraphs in and no mention of the title of this piece or what’s it about, and it actually isn’t even about being a restless soul.

The title of this piece means to promote peace. I know weird right? What does that have to do with all the above mentioned? Well lately I’ve come to realize that opening myself up to people has this is where I prove the introverts right allowed people to think they can just come for me. People will find you in your own little corner, minding your own business and fighting your own battles and they will come for you. Remember those people from the Grown Woman Blues entrenchment? Yes them! People feel entitled to have opinions, pass comment and make inaccurate conclusions about your life, your being etc and think because they have a portal to you it’s okay. I cannot reiterate this enough, it’s not! To judge others is human but to keep your opinion about others to yourself is having class.

It’s not okay to comment on people’s weight, it’s actually rude and intrusive to say the least. It’s not okay to judge people’s relationships, lifestyles, their career choices or what they do to put food on the table it’s actually none of your business and nothing will bring you greater peace than minding your own business. I know you probably thinking why do I even care if these people aren’t that important? That’s the thing sometimes those people are, sometimes they are your nearest and dearest and this is finally where the title of this piece comes to play.

I know the title means “to promote peace” but what I want you to take from this piece is to protect your peace which in the same breath I’m promoting peace. In the recent weeks I’ve learnt that you need to protect your peace by all means which means choosing what you allow in, in the same way that you choose what clothes and shoes you wear on a day to day basis. You need to shield yourself and build walls from whatever does not nourish or help you grow and remember that even though it’s coming from your nearest and dearest it’s not always necessarily coming from a good place, sometimes we need to protect ourselves from those we love too. We need to detach from others in order to attach to ourselves.

And even though in this piece I make more reference to protecting yourself from people you make constant contact with, sometimes you need to protect yourself from those who too disturb your peace from afar. Sometimes we need to detach from the social media platforms and people that disturb your inner peace. I have been constantly side eyed and judged for being petty and childish for blocking and unfollowing people, listen ladies and gentlemen do whatever gives you peace. Block people in real life if you have to.

I know if you’re a restless soul like myself it’s not always easy to close yourself off from others but you need to sieve out the weeds from the flowers and choose what waters and nourishes your flower to grow or what holds you back from blooming. As much as we all want a home team I consider you my readers mine, not everyone is your person and that is perfectly fine too we must just journey with those who are and protect ourselves from those who aren’t.

As I leave you to go weed out your gardens and protect your flowers (your hearts) I wish for you…

Love and light and lots of luck.



My last few posts have probably had some fellas take a step back and think this platform here is not for them. I’m here to reassure you fellas that we’re all in this together.

My last posts weren’t feminist rants but rather a reminder that our problems are just as much yours and vice versa. I cannot reiterate this enough, living in this world is a shared experience and I’m using this writing as the connective tissue between those experiences.

The other week I suffered a persecution complex, I know I suffer them a lot, it’s the judgmental Judy in me, in regards to the content of my pieces. Don’t get me twisted I’m all for every last word I share here but amidst all the turmoil in and around me I started to question the validity of my voice. Whether it was being used in the right manner or not. I found that I had a lot to say but found it difficult to express myself.

This inability to express myself is actually the loosely translated definition of this piece, the actual meaning is the inability to express your feelings and that’s exactly how I happened to feel. For those who’ve started this journey with me, don’t be confused with the feeling I make reference to in my post titled Scripturient that’s a whole different ball game. I make reference to my old pieces so you can see how far we’ve come on this journey. However, if you’re new here, I welcome you and hope you’ll continue this journey with me. Let’s get back to the topic at hand.

Wrapped up and so consumed by all this hurt, I didn’t know where to start. I knew what I felt but struggled to convey it. I suppose you’re wondering what is it that I felt so strongly about but struggled to convey? Well, all the social injustices that we are constantly faced with, more so in my country of birth South Africa. I’m well aware that we share the same predicament worldwide and no injustice is of a greater magnitude than the other and for that reason I speak for everyone in this piece, far and near but holding my fellow South Africans dear to my heart.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to open a can of worms but neither can we turn a blind eye, it has even become beyond me to do so. I bet you’re wondering how does this even fit into my blog? Am I now a political activist? Funny, but no. These social injustices are things that are happening in and around my journey so they very much fit into my portion. Yours too, that girl over there and that guy too actually, well hello again fellas.

So this very inability to express how I feel was irking me because I felt I have a platform and however little my voice is I must use it. I know my voice can’t change or do much but if I can ease one life the aching or cool one pain I shall have not lived in vain. I’m also well aware that the sentiment will be that after expressing my feelings what would I have done because too many people speak and share sentiments but very little is done and I’m aware not much will come from my post either but I write in the sense that my post can be a conversation starter. To just voice it out can drive a message across.

We live, eat and sit among discriminators, homophobes, sexual violators, perpetrators of gender and structural violence to name but a few and by just voicing out the injustice of their behaviour we change the rhetoric of society. Too many a time social injustices continue to take place because we are silent and by being silent we enable perpetrators. Therefore to speak up is to change the dialogue, hold people accountable and say not only is it not okay but that we are aware and we will not succumb. This picture of a clenched fist below is a clear depiction of our resistance.

I know we live in an era where we make social outcries for a day or a week or so and then move onto something new, I mean I myself would’ve posted something different in a week or so but at least I sparked a conversation and those who know me personally know that it never just ends there with me. I will fight for anyone’s right. I will kick ass and take names if I have to, even when I’m silent I’m still fighting. As I mentioned prior that we’re all in this together, my problems are just as much yours as yours are mine. See? It is all inclusive after all fellas.

I then share with you my voice dear readers to create a collective voice, one which makes for stronger sound transmission to allow our voices to be heard. To say we are here, we are aware and our voices are valid and will not be silenced. Whatever your race, whatever your gender, whatever your sexual orientation I’m here to you tell that you are not alone.

I know ultimately this may not be the content you signed up for. I know we all want spaces that remove us from our realities and somewhat help us to forget but I would’ve never been able to live with myself knowing that my voice almost didn’t count.

With that being said, as we continue to voice out and fight for our social rights trying to maintain a life of peace. I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.


Grown Woman Blues

With my coming of age fast approaching I’ve been thinking about what I can do that will be beneficial for my wellbeing. I always strive to do this with my every coming of age of late. Okay it’s my second year running but at least I’m committing to it.

Last year I decided that I was going to let go of anything that was not fulfilling to me. Anything that was detrimental to my wellbeing, such as thoughts of self doubt, the very thoughts that do not nourish my soul or help me grow. Unfortunately I can’t say we’ve passed that hurdle as yet but alas we’re here so the journey continues.

Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t mean that I’ve been going through life intentionally hurting myself but I also haven’t always been a good friend to myself either. Hence I decided to let go of the self inflicted pain caused by my own thoughts and this year I further let go of the grown woman blues.

No, this isn’t yet another phenomenon I discovered while going through the motions. The grown woman blues is actually a colloquial term yet a universal experience that affects us all, just differently. So allow me to share with you mine. (As shown in the picture below of my growing pains). Don’t worry fellas this can apply to you too. Though of late the blues have been entrenched in me by the greater majority.

I’ve never been one to worry too much about age. Yes I may have been worried about attaining certain goals at a specific time but never was I concerned about age until recently. Lately I’ve found that I’ve been constantly made to feel old. Don’t get me wrong I have no problem with getting older, it means you’re becoming wise and seasoned and for a late bloomer like myself that is bliss. Yet here, I’m not referring to that type of old, I’m speaking of old as in tired or spent, well that’s what I’d like to believe is what I’ve been made to think.

I know you’re probably wondering how old does that make me then if I constitute as a woman and a grown one at that yet still referring to myself as thegirlwithabagofluck? I have a tendency to think for people it’s both my gift and my curse. So to answer that for you I will break it up in two parts then still revert back to why I wrote this piece to begin with. Shall we? Okay.

Initially when I started this blog it was for myself, to relate my story and for all the other women that want to live free from judgement and have some fun. I refer to myself as “the girl” however because I also write for my younger self, the me I needed when I was younger. This blog is me chronicling life as a woman yet remembering the young “girl” who needed the wisdom and lessons from these pieces .

So I write not only for women but young girls too who are transitioning into womanhood, after all this world is a shared experience and what better way then to have my writing serve as a connective tissue between those experiences. As for how old I am? A lady never reveals her age and that doesn’t mean I’m ashamed. That’s as far as I’m willing to talk about that without actually talking about it, so that’s that on that. Besides I want you to relate to me and my story without bringing me down to my age as being wise for my years or wet behind the years, let the writing speak for itself.

Now to revert back to why I wrote this piece to begin with. As I initially said, of late I’ve found that people have been making me feel old. People will find you in your own little corner, minding your own business and fighting your own battles and still come for you, so they came for me. As if it’s not already hard enough to fight off society’s messages of what a woman my age is supposed to be. Then be confronted by questions of child bearing, marriage and career. Yes those are some of the grown woman blues, feel free to share with me your experience ladies and gentlemen.

The pressure to affirm yourself as an adult woman, so you stress and fear not being chosen by men because you are getting “older” and in order to bear children you must have a partner, in order to be married you must have a companion, I don’t even know why it all has to revert back to men but that’s not today’s chat.

Today’s chat is how we internalise the pressure and the stress of conforming to what a woman is supposed to be that we prematurely age physically and emotionally. See why this “old” chat entrenchment is not okay? Stop it. There is no old age like anxiety so stop instilling it in others and creating unnecessary blues. Some women don’t even want to get married, have children or so forth and that’s perfectly okay. Now they must inherit blues that aren’t even for them. Women are allowed to be who they want to be not who everyone expects them to be. Nobody has power over your narrative.

This then goes without saying that we must fight against that pressure and open ourselves and our lives in celebration of the miracle of our existence, we shouldn’t grow old when we’re still young. We should continue to allow youthfulness to exist within us to live full and fruitful lives.

With that being said, as I come closer to my coming of age and I let go of these blues, I’m happy to say they didn’t even last the first quarter of the year, the fear of growing old or running out of time was never my portion anyway. I urge all young woman and girls I’m here for you too sweethearts to live a life that causes you to feel the sun from the inside out, whatever that life may look like. To live a life upon your own appropriate directions and to know that you are never too early or too late but just on time for you and you should be able to openly share your feelings on that and know that they can’t take that away.

With that being said, I wish you…

Love, light and lots of luck.