My little love

The month of May is about to come to an end, and many of you may know it as Mental Health Awareness Month, but it is also the month that we celebrate mothers, on Mother’s Day.

Before we get into that, I hope that you’ve been choosing yourselves, your mental health and prioritising your peace throughout this month. And I also hope you continue to do so beyond this month alone.

Given the opening of the piece, it’s evident where this is going, a bit delayed but a post about our dearly beloved mothers. How they deserve to be celebrated beyond just one day, for how selfless they are, for going above and beyond for us. Being there through every smile and every fall, nursing our wounds back to health.

“Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother.”

And nothing could be truer, mother’s really are gifts on this earth. Though what happens if those wounds are inflicted by your mother? Yea, you didn’t see that one coming. You might want to sit up for this one.

I’m not talking about the wounds where your mother accidentally left something unattended and you got a hold of it, could be a an idling knife, hot stove plate or iron etc. I’m referring to the wounds that you’ve had since childhood and carried them till today, the scars you carry inflicted by those wounds.

I’ve always maintained that this blog is a medium of therapy, not only for myself but hopefully for you as my readers as well. So take this as a free therapy session you didn’t know you needed. Now back to what I was saying…

I know it’s unfathomable to think of our mother’s as anything less than perfect, as not the epitome of love personified. Though they are also human and equally flawed, so they too fall short.

To even speak up on our mother’s shortcomings seems so taboo given all that they do, more especially in the month that we should be taking our hats off to them. Though we need to acknowledge that there is always two sides to every spectrum.

Not all mother’s come in angel wings and halo’s, but also the gag? Even if your childhood was sugar and spice, and everything nice. Your precious mother could some way or another just be as guilty about what I’m about to discuss with you.

When our mother’s intentionally or unintentionally hurt us, the effects of what they do could be referred to as mother wounds. A mother wound is the pain that’s carried by a mother, inherited by her children. While both daughters and sons can feel the impact, it’s mostly daughters facing the brunt of this wound.

Though not a clinical diagnosis, the mother wound still is a very real psychological issue and manifests itself in different ways. That’s why even the best of mothers can still inflict the wound on their children, after all it’s generational. Being passed from grandmother’s, mothers and then to daughters, unbeknown the implications of the learned behaviour throughout the years.

So this post is not to say that some mothers are inherently bad, but their way to survive, which is learned behaviour from their own mother’s may not be how to live. Where they physically hold space for their children, attending to their basic needs to survive etc, but emotionally are unavailable.

Being too critical, not providing empathy, children being reluctant to turn to them for comfort or security. Giving room to anger and resentment, that goes suppressed for years leading to dysfunction in the later years, i.e adulthood.

I then wrote this piece because as I stated in the post titled: Alemurity, that as we heal our inner children, though not easy when you’re also coming from a place of hurt. To remember that our mothers are their own people and they equally need healing too. See? I am showing compassion to mother’s in this mothers month.

That as we create new relationships with ourselves to heal our inner children and mother wounds. To meet our adult emotional, physical and practical needs in ways you wish your mother had done for you. By confronting the places in us that are hurt, or as I mentioned angry or resentful. To be a safe space for ourselves.

Acknowledging that this is a journey and it won’t always be linear, but if we stay committed to healing ourselves we’ll be better and do better for the generations to come.

As I then go off to continue to do the work in my healing, I did say it never stops, I ask do you or anyone you know of have mother wounds? If so, please share with me your experience and how you’re working through them. With that being said, wishing you continued healing on your journey, filled with…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Whist

Honesty is such a lonely word, and one that is hardly ever heard. It’s mostly what everyone needs, yet it seems everyone is so untrue.

Since the inception of this blog, the intention has always been to tell the truth. The theme of the posts last year was confronting my shadow truths, the one’s that I sugarcoat and beat around the bush about. Before I get into that, what’s that you ask? This year’s theme? I’m still trying to figure that out. Now as I was saying…

Those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog are probably thinking that either the imaginary friends in my head have stopped talking to me so I have writer’s block or I’m preoccupied with something hence the silence. I know most are leaning towards the latter.

Though the thoughts are not far off, they aren’t the reason I’ve been MIA. If anything, my imaginary friends have had quite a lot to say of late, so much so that I wish I could hush or silence them. Speaking of to hush or silence, the title of this piece when loosely translated means that. Or to become silent.

I know you’re probably thinking why would I want to silence my friends, if they giving me enough to go by? Well not when what they’re saying are unwanted thoughts that can be disturbing or distressing, otherwise known as intrusive thoughts.

Thoughts that pop up in our heads without warning at any time. Often repetitive, and as I mentioned unsettling.

Though usually harmless, the thoughts can trigger certain emotions in one such as feelings of doubt causing stress and anxiety which is how I got to write this piece.

When these thoughts started visiting me a little while back, I was scared and ashamed, assumed that something was really wrong with me. Afraid to admit to myself, let alone the next person that I couldn’t tame the demons in my head. Further triggering my anxiety and giving rise to some mental health issues.

On the mention of mental health, the month of May is Mental Health Awareness month and it’s only fitting that I speak on intrusive thoughts because they can be a symptom of depression or obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

Even though I have not been formally diagnosed with any mental health illness in relation to these thoughts. I’ve come to realise, much to my relief, that I’m not the only one, well if you’re honest enough to speak up about them, who has these thoughts. It is normal to have them as long as they do not interrupt your normal day-to-day life.

I then wrote this piece to remind you that as you go through life, remember that this is a shared experience, we’ve all gone through the same thing at some point or another. You are not the only one, so be kind to your mind. Be your own safe space. Extend yourself the same level of grace and compassion as you would listening to a friend.

And those are the thoughts that I leave with you ladies and gentlemen. As I then go off to quiet my mind and listen more to my soul, I ask a penny for your thoughts? While I wait to hear what you have to say, I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Going Up

Man, you’d swear we’re in a race against time. It was just the other day that we were setting the tone for this new year and now we’re almost four months deep within the year. With my day of birth right around the corner again.

Those of you who’ve been journeying with me on this blog know that I’m particularly fond of birthday’s. They are an anniversary of birth, the festivities and celebration of life. An occasion in itself.

I know not everyone is big on birthday’s. Even I as fond as I am of them don’t always look forward to them, but I try to make the most of the day. So to those of you that are leaning towards the other side, before you run off thinking this post is about birthday’s you may want to keep reading because I’m onto something here. No, really. I am.

With the elevator of my life heading for the third floor, gasp I just gave away my age. The coming of this birthday has been a bittersweet experience. Despite not being able to celebrate it as I had intended to, a birthday tour. Due to reasons that far outweigh any celebration I’ve ever had. This birthday has forced me to take an intricate look at my life.

To see how far I’ve come and where I’m going. It also doesn’t help that I’m unlocking another decade of grown women blues, yep they never end. It’s just different devils at different levels.

So rather than having to face this birthday, I would’ve preferred to curl up in a corner and be quiet. I guess shame will have you do that.

When you think that who you are and what you’ve become is not good enough, so you prefer to sit on the sidelines and hopefully disappear into the background.

It’s easy not to write yourself off, when the world is continuously telling us how and where people on the third floor should be. For the longest time the third floor has been the benchmark of life.

That by then you should have it all figured out. The career, marriage and kids. The house with the white picket fence. When and who decided that this all happens on the third floor? Only the powers that be know, but its become a universal truth. I’m facing it, my predecessors faced it, and I can only hope and pray that our generation is the one to change it for those to come because nothing about this pressure is cute.

Alas, that is where I find myself days leading up to my big day. Slipping between optimism for the future and trying not to write myself off because according to society I haven’t quite made the benchmark. I guess that’s why I wrote this piece.

To remind all of us as we go up our elevators, that we don’t have to write ourselves off because you think you’ve failed or the world has written you off. See how this isn’t directed to a specific floor? That’s because I know that life is war, and to get to a birthday is not always easy for everyone despite which floor they’re on. Though in this piece I hold those going on the third floor dear to my heart.

I’m here to remind us that as we go up on these elevators, the birthday is a remembrance that we are here for a reason. See? This wasn’t just about birthday’s after all. Rather to remind us to keep on journeying through life, in our own pace and time, and to not let society and it’s thoughts and expectations turn us cold.

With that being said, I’m off to make the most of my entry into the third floor. Before I leave though, I ask if you ever get birthday anxiety and how do you deal with it? Is it also because of the stigma attached to the floor you’re going on, or is it just personal?

As I wait to hear what you all have to say. I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Elayne

“…no matter how hard the rain…there is always a gap in the clouds for the light to shine through.”

There are certain times in life when we tend to feel as though life is a series of storm clouds. That no matter what, there’s no breakthrough. I believe many of us have felt this way more often than not.

Now before we get into that, don’t get me wrong. It doesn’t mean I’ve been going through life being Pessimistic Percy, okay this year I’m going to try stop with these colloquialisms. Anyway as I was saying…

Having gone through some tides in life, it’s hard to hold onto to the bright side because you think things could change any minute. When you’re scared to be happy and embrace it for too long because you think the rug could be pulled right under your feet and things switched up at any time.

I know for most parts that’s the motion of life, it’s never always smooth sailing and the idea is that we’re not meant to stay there for too long, but rather to try make our way out of the deep waters and continue to overcome.

Though when you’re constantly overcoming, because this life thing can sure feel like a constant battle it’s hard as I mentioned above to look forward to and embrace the ray of light that comes after every storm. Speaking of a ray of light, the title of this piece when loosely translated means; a ray of light.

Given the title of the piece I guess you’re thinking that I’ve found my ray of light. I mentioned in the last post titled: kaizen that a lot can happen in a year.

Those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog know that the previous year wasn’t particularly easy on me, hey I know some are probably thinking which one has? I spoke about how I intended to use the year to confront my shadow truths and in turn at times even felt as though I had fallen off and lost my way.

It was then when things took a turn of events that I realised that at times redirection is not always rejection. What could look like a storm can actually be things clearing out to make room for your ray of light.

So yes you could say that in the midst of what I thought could be a storm, came my ray of light. When the turbulence of emotions that came with the storm cleared, I gained a new perspective to things. A new found clarity, understanding of self and most importantly calm and peace.

I guess what I’m trying to say in this piece is that when faced with situations in life, it’s easy to be fixated on the storm and forget that which we can accomplish once we overcome, our ray of light.

That is what I want you to take from this piece, that during your storms I hope you’re strong enough to keep going till you find your ray of light. To remember to not allow yourself to stay in the storm, but rather to look up and fight to row yourself out. And most importantly, once you’ve found your ray of light to stay in your light.

As I then go off to embrace my ray of light, I wish you all the same, and as always…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Kaizen

We often hear the saying “a lot can change in a year” and depending on which side of the spectrum we choose to look at things, we either believe it or not. For the first time in a long time I believe it.

I’m usually part of the folk that feel as though we’re living out the same story year in and out. Before we get into that, in the year’s defence I would like to state as I mentioned in my previous post titled: Profailantism, that you can’t keep doing the same thing expecting different results. So it would only make sense that one would feel in limbo.

Last year this time the good sis was in Pitsville, a colloquial term for being in your feelings. Down at the bottom, the pits. I know those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog are probably thinking when I have I not been at the bottom?

I did say that this blog is a medium of therapy, a place for me to share my heart and journey, that could either help you along your journey or you could take a thing or two from mine. So sharing my truth won’t always be sunshine and roses.

I take it given the context of the above paragraphs, you’re probably thinking that things have taken a different turn. Perhaps you could say that they have, or maybe I have? Well a lot has happened in the recent months that has prompted a lot of change in my life, even pushing me towards improvement.

Speaking of improvement, the title of this piece when loosely translated means; a philosophy of continuous improvement, becoming better everyday.

Throughout the years I’ve been trying to not wear my experiences on my spirit, to not let them define me. Hence to feel this improvement in my life is an achievement in itself and more.

Don’t get me wrong, like I said above healing is a lifelong journey. There will be moments when we relapse and hurt, but the recent months have really shown me that one must still be intentional about becoming better everyday and that’s how we find ourselves here.

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know it hasn’t always been easy, but we celebrate and embrace the moments of improvement as we continue to press forward.

I guess the message in this piece is self explanatory. What I want you to take from this ladies and gentlemen and into this new year as I stated in my previous post is that, we should take our previous experiences and use them to fuel us to become better everyday.

To know that life and healing is not linear, but if we stay the path, remain intentional and committed to our growth we will continue to improve for the better. And that’s where I leave it.

I know lately it seems I’m always ready to make a dash. Well apart from the fact that there’s so little time and so much to do, don’t worry I’ll eventually fill you in. I’ve also learnt to not over explain myself which is a trauma response. Okay, it also helps that I’m slowly finding my writing voice again, so getting to the point becomes a lot easier and comes a bit faster. See? Improvements.

Anyway, as I go off and allow us to continue to embark on this journey of improving and becoming better not only for ourselves but the the world at large, I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Profailantism

And we’re back! I know it sure has been a minute. I didn’t even know if I still had it in me, but we’re here and we’re moving.

To those that are new, welcome and thank you for stopping by, I hope this post will be more than enough reason for you to continue journeying with us. If not, it was a pleasure having you here. To my fellow caravaners, “hello, I come back” I hope you enjoy what I have in store for you this year.

Before we get into it, Happy New Year beloveds. I hope this year has started off on a pleasant note, and hoping it be a year of restoration for us all.

You’d have to be living under a rock to not know that these last two years have been a lot on all of us in some way or another. So let us be grateful to be here to tell the tale, not everyone has been as blessed and privileged.

The way the last two years have been set up, it’s been a common theme that many of us finished the years feeling like failures for not having done and accomplished much. Forgetting as I mentioned in my post titled: I was here, that having survived is a victory in itself. It is everything and more.

Despite that, it’s still hard nonetheless to find the silver lining in that when you feel you haven’t accomplished much, but instead of looking at ourselves and the previous years as failures we should use them as the precedent to set the tone of the type of year we want to have.

Speaking of using the previous year’s experiences and failures as motivation to set the tone for the new year, the title of this piece when loosely translated means; the art of embracing failure and using it as motivational fuel to ultimately succeed and achieve your goals. And that is how I want us to go into the new year and moving forward.

Instead of dwelling on what was or what could’ve been, and take it from someone who can be Debbie Downer, my apologies to anyone named Debbie. We’re going to take those experiences and change the narrative. To not wear failure on our spirit, but rather use the experiences to fuel the year ahead.

I know with the previous year’s experiences, and having been dealt some hands myself it is far easier said then done, we just never know what the year has in store for us. Though in order to achieve different we must be different. So we take the experiences and use them as motivation for change. We change our mindsets to a year of endless possibilities instead.

That is really what this piece is about ladies and gentleman, an acknowledgment of where we’ve been and our intentions moving forward. Those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog already know I don’t do the whole “new year, new me” thing, the post titled: Ár explains it better.

I’m rather one to say, what tone do we intend to set for the year and that is exactly what I want you to take from this piece. When you look at your past experiences and failures, how are you going to use them as fuel to motivate you to achieve success and your goals this year?

And that is where I leave things. Looking forward to hear how you choose to move this year and change your narrative. While I wait for you to drop me your comments below, I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Alemurity

Remember the simpler times, when one of your concerns was which toy to play with first? Ah, what childhood bliss. Today we’re faced with which bill to pay first. Someone should’ve really warned us about adulthood, it’s a trap.

When reminiscing on childhood, we all tend to gravitate towards memories characterised by playing, learning, socialising, exploring and worrying about the most menial things.

Now we’re faced with living with these internalised guidelines and social constructs of who and what the world wants us to be, and that’s just the brink of it. Ask anyone whose made it out of their late teens, they’ll tell you that this life thing is a lot.

Though this post isn’t about the worst hood that I’ve ever lived in, adulthood. As you would all like to believe. This post is rather about our inner children. I know some of you are probably thinking, “there she goes again.” Yep there I go. I did say that this year was about confronting our shadow truths, so here we are. Buckle up ladies and gentlemen.

Speaking of our inner child, the title of this piece when loosely translated means; one’s desire for reconnecting with their childhood self while still somehow holding onto the idea of what it is to be a responsible adult.

I wrote this piece because I’ve come to the realisation that many of us ,myself included, tend to operate from a concealed version of ourselves that usually stems from the notion that we are now adults. Instead of our supposed original or true selves which is our inner child.

I know many of you are thinking that our inner child should be linked to, playfulness, spontaneity and creativity. Though that is true, at times it is also linked to anger, hurt and fear that attribute from childhood experiences. Aha, do you now see where we are going with this? Let’s continue…

That we tend to mute the childlike aspects of ourselves instead of confronting them, as to understand why we operate in the manner in which we do.

So it happened that of late I’ve been thinking about certain experiences, some still ongoing, that I’ve endured and have been subjected to and wondering why I let it happen or continue to happen.

It triggered the thought of perhaps my decisions were not based on poor decision making, but rather more deep rooted issues. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not exempting myself from the responsibility of taking accountability for poor decision making. Though the adult in me wants to conceal the parts of me that question where it all stems from.

That perhaps the inner child in me has been subjected to neglect so they hold onto mistreatment out of fear and familiarity.

And as much as one would assume that inner child healing has a lot to do with trauma, abuse and neglect either from within the family or outside. It doesn’t always necessarily mean it’s all doom and gloom. Healing your inner child can be a form of self care, to say how you’ve chosen to survive is no longer how you choose to live.

As I said, inner child healing manifests itself in different ways. How you react in fights, how you respond to being hurt etc. Taking a look at that, can help you establish which parts of you need healing, if you need any. Though I believe we are all on a healing journey, some way or another.

I then wrote this piece to say, having looked at self I’ve come to realise that most of my experiences are somehow linked to my inner child and in order to change certain things, I need to first heal my inner child.

To not think of myself as a failure, for having endured or being subjected to certain things, but rather embrace the healing that can come from it and the ability to ultimately succeed and achieve the goal of healing.

If you can relate to this, please leave a comment below and tell me how you heal your inner child. If you’re like me and still on the healing journey, as you continue to journey on I wish you…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Feelstora

I haven’t written much this year, and given the number of posts I’ve shared one would think it’s because I’ve been so busy I’ve only had limited time to write.

Though the thought holds somewhat true, I haven’t been busy filling my life with adventures and experiences as you would think, but rather I’ve been trying to make sense of where I’m at.

I know that sounds like a lot has been happening. Maybe there has and maybe there hasn’t? I guess it depends on which side of the glass you choose to look at things. Though those who’ve been journeying with me on this blog already know which side I’m leaning towards so yes, it is a lot.

Before I get into that, if you are new here, I welcome you and thank you for stopping by. Even within the long hiatuses, I hope you’ll continue to journey with us. To my fellow caravaners, I thank you for always being a part of my journey. Now as I was saying…

This year has been an emotionally charged year. I know you’re probably thinking when has it not been? When you look at my posts, you’ll realise that this year I’ve been confronting my shadow truths, the parts of me I’d prefer hidden, the ones I sugarcoat and beat around the bush about.

Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I have not been sharing my authentic self with you, but rather that I’ve been choosing to put my best foot forward which may look good on the outside, but does not always serve me. Hence I wrote this piece.

I wrote this piece because lately I’ve found that I’ve been meaning to write, but the content of my pieces has been affected by my emotional state at that time. Which is the loosely translated definition of the title of this piece. The title means; a story that is heavily influenced by the author’s emotional state at the time of writing. I know that this post then sounds much like the post titled: Scripturient.

Though in this piece however what I’m saying is that, trying to make sense of everything that has and is happening around me has influenced the content of this piece.

Now don’t get your knickers in a knot, as I said in the post titled: losing-my-way , you don’t have to question what it is that I’m going through that has me in this state. If anything I’m just at a point in my life where I have to embrace change and growth, and those who’ve been journeying with me know I speak a lot about change and how it isn’t easy to come by.

When you want to reconnect to a certain state while accepting that you have to move onto a new one. And that is really what this piece is about, embracing change and growth amidst whatever emotional state you may be in.

I know this post then sounds much like the post titled: laconic in that it says a lot in not so many words. Well what I want you take from this is that, you must allow yourselves to go through and embrace whatever emotional states in the journey of your lives. Though do not dwell in that emotional state for so long, that what is meant to just be a story in the journey of your life becomes a chapter and parts of your life pass you by. I speak for myself here too.

That we must remember that, everyone is fighting their own battle. To be free from their past, to live in their present and to create their future.

And that’s that on that ladies and gentlemen, I don’t have much to say, but rather until next time, I wish you all…

Love and light and lots of luck.

Maz_Dizzle

Vespine

Sheesh, where did all the time go? It was just the other day that this year was starting and now we’re four months away from the new year.

This year hasn’t proven to be much different from the previous one, if anything it’s as though the years are trying to outdo one another.

Before you run off, this isn’t one of those somber Sally moments, my apologies to anyone named Sally. I honestly don’t know what’s up with me and these colloquialisms these days, I guess they fit perfectly into what I’m trying to say.

For someone who is an advocate for everything female, I sure haven’t said much considering that this is the South African women’s month.

In all honesty a lot has happened that has overshadowed this prestigious month, forcing everyone to just mind the business that is theirs. It doesn’t take away anything from us women though. We deserve to be celebrated each and everyday, in every way. So I hope you’ve been doing right by yourselves ladies.

Speaking of minding your business, the title of this piece when loosely translated means a woman who doesn’t meddle in other’s business, and hates when anyone else meddles in hers. I know right? What a title. Considering that this is a personal blog, which is basically like sharing your nudes on social media and hoping everyone will just scroll past them.

I’m still entitled to my business though, like boundaries I can exercise who and what gets access to that.

For someone who seemed to be down bad just the other day feeling like I had lost my way. It seems I’m back, smiles and all. Well this is a journey after all, we will get lost and unlost over and over again it’s part of becoming. And like I said in the post titled: quarervois the idea is for one to not wear their pain on their spirit.

So yes we may lose our ways, but we shouldn’t let that define us or the rest of our journeys. Now you’re probably wondering where is all this going? Okay, let me serve you the tea.

Someone I’m really not fond of, listen when I say really I mean it, recently asked me when was I publishing my next blog post? My initial thought was that given the nature of my blog this person has a portal to me and my life. I guess it’s true what they say, no one watches you harder than the people who don’t like you.

Now those who know me and have been journeying with me on this blog know that I am big on protecting your peace. I know that’s ironic considering that I share my personal life in these pieces, but even then I still choose how much I share which allows me to still be able to protect my peace.

I make reference to this in the post titled: caim that we should protect ourselves always, in all ways. Even if it means drawing an invisible circle of protection, around ourselves with our hands that reminds us that we should put ourselves first.

That’s the tea, that even when we give people a portal to us and our lives, we still have the right to how much access do they get. As a writer, I know by putting myself out there the risk is essential, but I can still retain some pieces of myself to myself. As I allow you too, to find pieces of yourselves in these pieces.

I then wrote this piece, because as someone who doesn’t meddle in others business I find it intrusive when others meddle in mine, especially because I give you enough to go by in these pieces, and think they know more about me than I do.

I know you probably thinking that this post was inspired by something, well it was, but I’m not going to get into that anymore than I already have. What I can say is that, it’s better to have your nose in a book, than in someone else’s business.

And that’s the tea ladies and gentlemen, don’t let people get confused between knowing you and knowing of you, those are two different things.

With that being said, as I go drink my tea and mind my business. I wish you not only the same, but…

Love and light and lots of luck

Maz_Dizzle

Losing my way.

Been sitting and thinking about me and wondering where did it all go wrong?

Someone recently asked me when last was I truly happy? Gasp, I know right? Can you even recall when that was?

This question actually requires thought. I know the idea of when last was I happy should not be a scary thought, I mean we should be happy at least once in each day. Ideally that’s how it should be, but unfortunately that’s not always the case.

I actually had to think about the question. The person then proceeded to say, to go back to that time in my life when I was happy.

I sit about that too. I actually recall when exactly that was. I know, if I know when that was then it shouldn’t be too hard to go back to that, but I don’t know how to get back to that.

Sigh… I know that makes me sound sad. Sometimes I think I’m part of the folk that turn sad awfully young. No special reason it seems, but it’s almost as though we were born that way. We tire faster, cry quicker, remember longer, and as I said, get sadder than anyone else in the world. I guess in essence that’s what makes going back to who I know myself to be hard.

Given the content of these posts, I know many of you who have been journeying with me on this blog, are probably thinking who or what hurt me this much and does it all still even matter?

Now don’t get wrong, it doesn’t mean I’d prefer to wallow in self pity as some of my posts would suggest. Rather that healing requires you to confront your shadow truth, the parts of you that you’d prefer hidden. And because the journey isn’t linear, some roads you have to take many different times till you find your way.

With the title of this piece, I suppose you get the gist of what this piece is about. We often speak about healing as love and light, we don’t talk about the messy bits. The parts as I mentioned above we’d prefer out of sight, the times we relapse and lose our ways, and that is what this piece is about. As it stands, on my healing journey I’ve lost my way.

I guess that explains the long interval. Despite the fact that it’s because I gather my thoughts before I present them, because considering that which goes on in my head this could all be a mess. In all honesty though, lately I’ve lost my way and I’ve been trying to find my way back to myself.

I then wrote this piece to remind you that on your journey, like myself it is okay to lose your way from time to time. And to caution you to not be too hard on yourself when it happens.

Not taking away the accountability of tracing your steps and understanding why you lost your way to begin with. Sometimes the road to healing can feel long and winding, and we find that we think we’re getting lost, when we’re just on our way and we end up losing our footing.

What I want you to take from this piece is that, when you find that your journey has taken a detour and it may seem hard to turn back from certain roads once taken. Don’t let that road define you or the rest of your journey. Continue to journey to your healing, being intentional in walking a different path. With the knowledge that, the person you once knew yourself to be is out there and still exists and deserves to be found and embraced.

As I then go off to go find that person within myself, I wish you not only the strength to keep walking your paths, but…

Love and light and lots of luck too.

Maz_Dizzle