The month of May is about to come to an end, and many of you may know it as Mental Health Awareness Month, but it is also the month that we celebrate mothers, on Mother’s Day.
Before we get into that, I hope that you’ve been choosing yourselves, your mental health and prioritising your peace throughout this month. And I also hope you continue to do so beyond this month alone.
Given the opening of the piece, it’s evident where this is going, a bit delayed but a post about our dearly beloved mothers. How they deserve to be celebrated beyond just one day, for how selfless they are, for going above and beyond for us. Being there through every smile and every fall, nursing our wounds back to health.
“Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother.”
And nothing could be truer, mother’s really are gifts on this earth. Though what happens if those wounds are inflicted by your mother? Yea, you didn’t see that one coming. You might want to sit up for this one.
I’m not talking about the wounds where your mother accidentally left something unattended and you got a hold of it, could be a an idling knife, hot stove plate or iron etc. I’m referring to the wounds that you’ve had since childhood and carried them till today, the scars you carry inflicted by those wounds.
I’ve always maintained that this blog is a medium of therapy, not only for myself but hopefully for you as my readers as well. So take this as a free therapy session you didn’t know you needed. Now back to what I was saying…
I know it’s unfathomable to think of our mother’s as anything less than perfect, as not the epitome of love personified. Though they are also human and equally flawed, so they too fall short.
To even speak up on our mother’s shortcomings seems so taboo given all that they do, more especially in the month that we should be taking our hats off to them. Though we need to acknowledge that there is always two sides to every spectrum.
Not all mother’s come in angel wings and halo’s, but also the gag? Even if your childhood was sugar and spice, and everything nice. Your precious mother could some way or another just be as guilty about what I’m about to discuss with you.
When our mother’s intentionally or unintentionally hurt us, the effects of what they do could be referred to as mother wounds. A mother wound is the pain that’s carried by a mother, inherited by her children. While both daughters and sons can feel the impact, it’s mostly daughters facing the brunt of this wound.
Though not a clinical diagnosis, the mother wound still is a very real psychological issue and manifests itself in different ways. That’s why even the best of mothers can still inflict the wound on their children, after all it’s generational. Being passed from grandmother’s, mothers and then to daughters, unbeknown the implications of the learned behaviour throughout the years.
So this post is not to say that some mothers are inherently bad, but their way to survive, which is learned behaviour from their own mother’s may not be how to live. Where they physically hold space for their children, attending to their basic needs to survive etc, but emotionally are unavailable.
Being too critical, not providing empathy, children being reluctant to turn to them for comfort or security. Giving room to anger and resentment, that goes suppressed for years leading to dysfunction in the later years, i.e adulthood.
I then wrote this piece because as I stated in the post titled: Alemurity, that as we heal our inner children, though not easy when you’re also coming from a place of hurt. To remember that our mothers are their own people and they equally need healing too. See? I am showing compassion to mother’s in this mothers month.
That as we create new relationships with ourselves to heal our inner children and mother wounds. To meet our adult emotional, physical and practical needs in ways you wish your mother had done for you. By confronting the places in us that are hurt, or as I mentioned angry or resentful. To be a safe space for ourselves.
Acknowledging that this is a journey and it won’t always be linear, but if we stay committed to healing ourselves we’ll be better and do better for the generations to come.
As I then go off to continue to do the work in my healing, I did say it never stops, I ask do you or anyone you know of have mother wounds? If so, please share with me your experience and how you’re working through them. With that being said, wishing you continued healing on your journey, filled with…
Love and light and lots of luck.