It’s been a few months, but it feels like years. Half of the year has gone by and I’ve only written once. I guess to you I’ve been doing what I want.
Am I doing what I want?
I greet you all, and welcome you to my blog. I know it’s getting tedious that I have to welcome you every time because of the long intervals between the posts. Though any well mannered person knows that you greet when entering a room before proceeding to go about your business.
So hello beloveds, I hope that the first half of the year has treated you fairly. That you’ve achieved most of what you had anticipated to, and if not that you’re well on your way to. Then again, even if you haven’t and all you’ve been doing is surviving, being gentle and kind with yourself. Know that, that in itself is an achievement, because sometimes it takes a lot to survive.
As for me? Man I don’t even know what’s going on. You could say that I’ve been winging it. The last two years have honestly been coming at me fast, I know I say this a lot about most years, but honestly hey.
There’s been plenty of changes that have had me tie my neatly twisted long dreads into a bun, and roll up my sleeves. That sounds a lot like adulthood right? Nothing new. Though there is a sepedi proverb that my late gran liked to say, which goes along the lines of , “gola o tla di bona” and oh am I seeing.
Those who’ve been journeying with me, are probably thinking when am I not seeing? In my defence, perhaps adulthood is an accumulation of small vlogs that end up making a series of your life. That seems like the only plausible way to explain what’s going on.
I’m also hoping someone will jump up and scream, “cut the camera’s!” and we’ll get back to regular programming, though the problem is this is my life.
The last time I left you, I had said I’m learning to heal by example. To not only speak of my healing, but embody it. Needless to say, it’s easier said than done but like I said I’m still here and I’m still trying.
Healing is a lifelong journey after all, it’s a series of the many recent times in my adult and motherhood that I’ve thought I could not move on from things, that I could never recover or ever be the same.
Ah yes, remember I had said I’d eventually say as to why I’ve been MIA? Well that is part and parcel the reason why, motherhood. I also experienced an immediate death, the loss of my beloved grandmother. If you know me, then you know how much I loved my grandmother. I also experienced unfathomable betrayals from a partner, friends, loved ones, and, and, an…
And with that, I’m not the same. I’m not the same woman who wrote five months ago. If you thought you knew me then, you’re not alone. I too have had to relearn myself. I suppose you can also say that life is a series of mini deaths and, thankfully rebirths.
So life lately has been a lot of learning and unlearning, of grieving the person that was and making room for the new. Treating the journey with kindness, knowing that I’ve never been this person, a mother amongst many things, before and I’m doing the best I can with the hand that I’ve been dealt.
To say it has not been easy is an understatement. Though life lately has taught me to extend myself the same grace that He extends me, and that has been my savior.
It’s allowed me to treat life as I do my little bundle of peace and happiness. Marvelling at the growth, and how far we’ve come yet remembering to savour every moment without rushing to get to a specific time.
With that being said, how’s life been lately for you? However it’s been, I wish you always…
Love, and light and lots of luck.
Maz_Dizzle
thegirlwithabagofluck 